My Story

My Story

I am sharing this story because it is inseparable from why this project exists.

During my service, I was diagnosed with mental health conditions following exposure to an extremely traumatic incident. The impact on my body and mind was profound and unlike anything I had ever experienced. For a period of time, I felt disconnected from myself and my surroundings — almost like an out-of-body experience. My reactions, thoughts, and physical responses no longer felt familiar or predictable, and I struggled to understand what was happening to me.

Eventually, I sought mental health support. I was referred to a psychologist and later diagnosed with severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). At that time, I was experiencing frequent nightmares, intense physical reactions, and mental responses that, looking back, I wish I had understood sooner. I began Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and, over time, worked patiently to find medications that helped stabilize me. That process was slow, frustrating, and deeply personal — but it allowed me to regain some sense of grounding and control.

My healing journey has been long, tumultuous, and ongoing. It is not something that resolves neatly or quickly. In early 2025, I experienced another highly traumatic incident. The impact of the April 2025 event was severe and destabilizing. It reawakened symptoms in ways that were intense and overwhelming: vivid nightmares, powerful physical reactions, and intrusive mental responses that persisted day and night. That period marked one of the most difficult chapters of my life.

As I navigated these experiences, I lived with persistent suicidal thoughts. At my lowest point, I relied on suicide crisis lines multiple times a day, sometimes two to four times daily, just to stay grounded and safe. Those moments were not dramatic or abstract; they were literally about survival, minute by minute. The weight of the trauma, combined with ongoing life and administrative pressures, often felt unbearable.

Over time, and with continued support, something began to change. My psychologist has described this as post-traumatic growth. Its not the absence of pain, but the emergence of meaning alongside it. While I would never minimize the suffering I experienced, I also recognize that these experiences fundamentally changed how I see the world. They deepened my empathy, sharpened my awareness of systemic barriers, and ignited a strong desire to help others navigate difficult circumstances with less confusion and isolation.

Today, I continue to experience nightmares and physical and mental reactions related to trauma, but they are slowly improving. Healing is not linear, and for me it is still very much in progress and met with a lot of roller coasters. What has changed is my sense of purpose. I volunteer frequently, seek opportunities to support others, and have committed myself to turning what I learned, often painfully,  into something that can be useful to others.

This project is one of several ways I am trying to give back. It is rooted in the belief that negative lived experiences, when paired with care, humility, and structure, can become a form of shared wisdom. I want to help others navigate complex systems, difficult moments, and unfamiliar processes with greater clarity and less isolation than I experienced.

It can feel cliché to say “you are not alone,” and I struggled for a long time to accept words like that. Slowly, I am learning to embrace their meaning. You do not have to face everything by yourself. Lean on your friends, your loved ones, and your community when you can. Perform small acts of kindness for others, and for yourself. Be patient with your healing, even when progress feels invisible.

There is a quote that resonates deeply with me: “Wisdom is a blessing, even when pain is its teacher.”

If anything meaningful can come from what I have endured, I hope it is this: that my experience might help someone else feel better informed, better supported, or simply less alone while navigating their own difficult path.

If you are facing one or more moral injuries against yourself or to others, I can highly recommend the Moral Injury Workbook. With psychological guidance through this framework, it has been life changing.